I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
