Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
