Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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