I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
