every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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