We won't sleep together?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize