Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
