FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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