So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize