I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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