You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
