I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
