I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
