dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
