My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
