Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
