it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
