i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
