it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
