nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The power of my boobs compel you
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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