we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
