I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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