She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
