I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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