Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just cropdusted the office
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This is classic penis vs brain.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
