Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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