I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
