So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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