I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
