Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
