hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
