Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
