you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
not ubering you a puppy
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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