he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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