I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
