I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
