I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
