You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
