my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
