all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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