Pants 0. Shit 1.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
