Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
