So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
