Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
