hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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