1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
