The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
