Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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