I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Still dying that you shit outside
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
