i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
