Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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