So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
