I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
