it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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