I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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