The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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