you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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