Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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