he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
