Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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