party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
