You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
