I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
