hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
