apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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