New invention idea: vibrating tampons
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
