JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
