And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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