I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize