Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
