Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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