Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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