The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
