Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
