This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
