Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
