I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
