Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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