To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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