I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
