mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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