You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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