We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
