If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
