i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize