dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
