so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
