he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
