I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
